Annoying gamer archetypes

One thing a gamer - male or female, young or old, new or experienced - always has to face are clueless idiots. Shitstains so vile it makes babies diapers smell like roses. Idiots so utterly stupid that a negative range on the IQ scale has to be created just for them.

I've been playing DotA on and off since I was 15. That means I've seen my fair share of incompetent, incoherent, babbling morons and have developed mental immunity accordingly. However, some days an idiot just happens to be so amazingly rude or irritating that I go batshit and lose all sense of composure.

List of gamer-types that piss me off completely:

1. The Sore Loser

The sore loser, when getting thrashed, becomes increasingly agitated and in denial of his impending defeat. After all, who are these strangers to defeat him, a DotA veteran with a years worth of gold membership AND is a leader of a clan ? Therefore they MUST be hacking! To save face, he must quickly point out this injustice to anyone willing to hear, so that people will understand that his opponent's victory was obtained only through means of cheating.

In DotA, they will be the ones crying 'mh he mh sohai fuck so noob use maphack btr don play la!' then subsequently pressing alt+QQ and leaving the game. When he is then branded a leaver, he justifies it by saying 'there's no point playing with hackers.'

In CS, they will be the ones whining about aimbot, recoil and wall hack when they die inexplicably (to them). Usually, their cause of death is pretty obvious to anyone else spectating, but to the 'sore loser,' he must have died BECAUSE THE OPPONENT IS HACKING! They will then exit to the channel and whine about the person hacking while copypasting the offender's name repeatedly to make sure that no one falls prey to 'dat noob waller sohai.'


2. The LC kia

The LC kia will not shut up about how pro he is and will repeatedly insult you to establish how absolutely fucking godlike he is and how much better than you at this game he is. There are 2 types of LC kia. The first type are the noob LC kias, who talk a LOT when they can actually kill people, presumably to highlight the brightest part of their otherwise shitty gaming career. When they're losing, they will suddenly become extremely quiet OR turn into Unbearable Idiot Type 1 - The Sore Loser (see above). They will only break their silence to say 'FUK U NOOB HAHA' when they somehow manage to kill an opponent.

The second type of LC kia are the players who are actually good at what they are doing. They'd be pleasant players to game with if not for their impossibly big ego. Their favourite lines are: 'don't waste my time la noob' and 'play with you also make me wanna zzz la.' If you face an opponent like this, I'm sorry for you because basically you can do nothing to make them shut up about their achievements and just how bad YOU are at this game. Even if the Pro LC kia is on your side, it's fucking embarrassing to play with them because they're so unbearably smug and disrespectful to other players who are probably just trying to play the game in peace.


3. The 'I always win' guy

Examples of an IAW player in DotA:

- On the losing team playing a carry: Supporters don't know how to support and gank.
- On the winning team playing a carry: I'm awesome. You all won because I farmed so fast and am incredibly skilled.
- On the losing team playing a supporter: Sohai carries keep feeding! So noob go play AI la.
- On the winning team playing a supporter: Fuckers you think you can win without my support ah?

Examples of an IAW player in CS:

- On the winning team and is alive: Haha oppo fucking noob! o0o
- On the winning team and is dead: Sohai teammates dono backup one
- On the losing team and is alive: I'm not fucking camping la, not my fault u all so noob go die first!
- On the losing team and is dead: My team is fucking shit


4. The MCP

MCP being male chauvinist pig aka misogynist. The MCP will hunt down and harass female gamers like a homing missile. Typically, they will try to be friendly and soon move into creep-zone when they start to ask you how big your boobs are or whether you are a virgin. When they get shut down by the girls he approaches (understandably so) he will become a raging sexist who refuses to lose to a woman.

Examples of an MCP:

When he beats a girl, he will say that girls shouldn't be playing games cause they suck. Optionally, he will make a kitchen or sandwich joke if he is a 9gag retard.

When he loses to a girl, it's because 'I gave chance ma, since you are a girl. :)' If he played SERIOUSLY, she would obviously stand no chance against him. After all, girls have absolutely 0 skills in gaming, right?

*****

Obviously there are many more archetypes of gamers that are irritating, such as leavers, hackers and people who can't think of any insults that don't involve your mother/sister/entire family line. However, I find these 4 are the ones that grate on my nerves the most.

I've come a long way in anger management, but no one's perfect. Except maybe Mother Theresa or something. That said, let me end this post with a conversation I had today with an idiot who conveniently falls into at least 3 of the above archetypes.

This was after days of him alternating between ignoring me and insulting in public. I gave him a final warning to stop calling me a 'cb kia' for no good reason and he responded by hurling even more insults, including the all-time favourite 'o0o', 'lcly sohai like to bully noob' and 'xiao qi' (easily angered). I barely interact with him besides the occasional 'hello, wanna play with us?' whenever I see him and asking his age once.

I kicked and banned him from the game I was hosting and thought that was the end of it. Apparently not. He decided to show his 'non-rage' and how really very OK he was with me kicking him - by harassing me further via private message.


RaGe_BaI3y_GARY said (23:55):
 pls ban me ok

Stephaniee said (23:55):
 already done dear
 no need to remind me
 now go mind your own business pls

RaGe_BaI3y_GARY said (23:56):
 lol
 sohai

Stephaniee said (23:56):
 :)

RaGe_BaI3y_GARY said (23:56):
 u r gay lou lai xiao qi lai they bo lampa de hahaha

Stephaniee said (23:57):
 when you can speak english come and talk to me
 also, grow a set of balls and some common sense


RaGe_BaI3y_GARY said (23:57):
 show english lo
 sry pro english

Stephaniee said (23:58):
 sry pro gary
 i've been nothing but nice to you all along
 and all you can do
 is talk cock
 then come diu me
 again
 and again
 for no reason
 fucking retarded
 you so rude then call ppl xiao qi

RaGe_BaI3y_GARY said (23:58):
 i got fuck u?

Stephaniee said (23:58):
 go learn some manners la old man
 now not fucking?
 bo lanpa?
 gaylou?
 no fucking ah?
 what is your definition then?
 you're a fucking egotistical maniac

RaGe_BaI3y_GARY said (23:59):
 nvm ba u not boy lai so sry u r girl go suck dick ba

Stephaniee said (23:59):
 learn how to speak nicely and maybe people won't be offended
 ha
 bring up the topic of sex
 typical uneducated idiot
 go play some dota la
 feed more rage more
 now goodbye
 useless dickshit

RaGe_BaI3y_GARY said (00:00):
 goodblye lo see u i will run 1 u so geli

*****
Lowlifes must always have the last word, don't they?
Here's a useful pyramid of arguments that I found:

He basically bounced between the bottom three tiers before hurling that one last line that was probably meant to offend me, but just sounded hilarious coming from the likes of him.

I'm sorry that I lost my temper, my sometimes you have to lose your composure to avoid losing your sanity. That's just the way it is.