Suddenly, I doubted myself. What if I was the bitchy girlfriend that all her boyfriend's friends hated? If Sam and I ever breakup, would his friends pat him on the back and say 'good on you, you were better off without that crazy bitch'?
What if I was that horrible, possessive and obssesive girlfriend that I hate so much?
My friend hurriedly reassured me that I was not - I think he panicked, thinking that he had somehow single-handedly induced an anxiety attack in my soul of stone.
I wanted to believe him, but I reasoned (very unreasonably) with myself that if I WERE a bitchy person, my friends wouldn't dare to tell me so, right? So I turned to the most important person for advice - my boyfriend himself.
And honestly, he wasn't that helpful because all he said was that it was up to me to decide. If I feel something wrong, then fix it and I'll be fiiine.
(I was hoping for something more along the lines of 'you're so sweet and kind and nice and awesome and pretty and loveable that NO ONE could hate you <3 <3 <3' but no. Didn't happen.)
I was like 'WHY? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG? OMG I'M TOTALLY A BITCH ASDFJKL;!"
Then, the very next moment I was like, fuck that shizzz! If people don't like me, they can find themselves a new friend! Hell naw, I'm not changing just because some people dislike me. Too coarse, too clumsy, too rough, too masculine bladiblablablah. *eyeroll*
I like myself and my opinion takes precedence over those of people who don't. (That barely made sense. Sorry, I'm sleepy.)
MEHHH.
Later, I remembered the time when my friend came over to stay, bringing along 2 female friends of his that I have never met before.
After a night at my place, they left to stay somewhere else. Before leaving my home, one of the girls unexpectedly gave me a hug goodbye and said:
"I'm glad you were nice. When I saw you I thought you were going to be very bitchy, but I really like you!"
It was so blunt and unreal (it's more likely to see this in an anime with the naive heroine expressing her feelings openly to people, and not in real life) that I was taken aback, not sure if it was a compliment or insult. Well, I guess that means my face/house/pictures/posture/speech is snooty enough to be considered bitchy, but underneath that curtain of spikes, I DO possess a heart of gold after all.
Ha! Heart of gold! *snort*
Take that haters! Even strangers like me :3 :3
Well. Anyway, if the day comes that I break up with my boy (CHOI) and his friends openly admit that they hated me all along...I can say I was not surprised, after having this mini introspection session with myself.
*sigh*
And I will thank them for putting up with me for so long. Giving me face just because I'm their friend's girlfriend. Mmm. Some people really ARE tolerant. If my friend had a bitchy girl/boyfriend I don't know if I could keep my barbed tongue still.
^__^ I'm sleepy. Good night.
No comments:
Post a Comment