What makes is so remarkable and not-depressing-at-all is that she is dying of old age. I honestly do not know anyone in my lifetime who has died from something other than illness or accidents. At this moment, my poor cousins who have flown back from US 4 times in less than 12 months are probably by her bedside, accompanying her to her final breath.
She's lucid, and apart from some aching joints and slight memory loss, she doesn't seem to sound sick. However, she has requested to stop being fed. At the moment she's on a water-only diet, waiting for her grandson to arrive before she lays down to sleep for the last time.
It amazes and confounds me. The thought of being able to decide when to die - I don't comprehend it.
She is currently 93-years-old. Just last year, she watched her favourite son die. My relatives say she was heartbroken and lost the will to live. A parent should never have to outlive their children. It messes up the order of life.
Anyway, I'm happy that she managed to live a long life without sickness and is leaving of her own accord. It's so amazing and I'm still a little bit awed. I wish one day I could just lay down beside my loved one after decades of being together, and after making a silent decision together, just close our eyes and choose to leave the world at the same time.
It's all I could ask for, really. But so far, my life has been peppered by tragedy, illness and accidents. You can't blame me for not being very optimistic; the only way to shield myself from further trauma is to just be realistic and prepare myself for the worst.
Mmm. My mom and her two sisters are now the three widows. Is it too soon? Maybe. But look on the bright side, they're all now free from suffering, happily swigging XO and gossiping about us in places unknown.
So. Enough with death. After that brief visit home, I felt fully recharged and ready to rush headlong into anything that came my way.
JUGGERNAUTTTTTTT
I've been working insanely hard, doing 7 hour work days earning shitloads of $$$ to pay off my ticket home and to buy myself a new LED screen. And of course, take mom on a crazy shopping frenzy when she arrives at Melbourne.
I've been at uni almost everyday, trying to catch up on my assignments. It's not very comforting to see everyone almost done for the year while I have ALL my assignments to go. >__>
I'm going to mentally shut out all the 'HOLIDAYSSSSSSSS!' posts on facebook. Speaking of facebook, what the hell is up with people nowadays?
Instead of saying something original or relating to themselves, they just share crappy photos of self-pitying/praising quotes in shitty typography and call it a day. Unbelievable. People can't even emo/whine inmaginatively anymore. Now all we have is generic posts regarding heartbreak/sexist humour/'trolling' that's not even trolling.
...whenever I set out to write a happy post I end up complaining about the latest irritants. Damn you mosquitoes! *shakes fist*
...
Anyway. On to the funny thing I meant to write about but you may not find funny anymore thanks to my skilful way of setting the mood of this post.
I was walking back to uni with my friend after dinner. We were chatting about the very topic at the beginning of this post when. We were walking behind a group of people when one of them started to break away and slow down his pace. Mini proximity alarms went off in my head as I continued my conversation. Suddenly, he was beside me.
After an awkward moment walking between my friend and the stranger, he turned to me and asked 'how's it going?' and smiled.
My inbuilt proximity and stranger sensor was going crazy, telling me I TOLD YOU SO HE'S A CRAZY LUNATIC AND HE'S GOING TO ATTACK YOU WHY DIDN'T YOU MOVE AWAY YOU MORON?!
Firstly, I was startled that someone interrupted my conversation.
Secondly, though my brain was telling me he was going to say something, I thought he was going to ask for spare change cause he got robbed or he wanted to invite me to his church, so I was pretty stunned when he said something as innocuous as 'how's it going?'
Thirdly, he was so close and so goddamned tall so I had to actually look up at him when he spoke (very unusual for me) and that intimidated the hell out of me.
So, how did I respond? Fine thanks, howbouchoo? Er okay? Wtf do you want?
No. None of the above.
I was rendered completely speechless that I just gave him this bug-eyed, open-mouthed look while the 3 of us continued walking in terribly awkward silence. To illustrate how awful my face was, I have kindly attempted to recreate my expression of shock and taken-aback-ness.
Now, imagine yourself saying hi to a stranger and being met with that look.
.
.
.
Now, imagine yourself 5 seconds later, still looking at the stranger, whose expression remains frozen in hideous shock, nostrils still flared like an open umbrella.
Yeah. Wtf man.
After a very long 5 seconds, he muttered a 'nevermind' and shuffled off to rejoin his group of friends in front.
After they were out of sight, I just started laughing and laughing. My friend said she was looking back and forth between our faces and wondering what was going on. I started laughing even more. I felt SO bad.
I seriously expected that he was going to be another high, aggressive person who becomes super friendly after a night of alcohol/drugs, but he turned out to be an innocent person who possibly wanted to make friends with me.
I'm terrible. He's probably never going to approach strange asian girls again. -_-
The last time a stranger tried to chat me up was the asian guy who asked me out for coffee while my bf was sleeping next to me.
I don't think I went into details last time (forgive me if I already have,) I was horrible to him as well.
I was sitting under the giant clock in melbourne central, tying my shoelaces when I felt him approach. The last time strangers approached me while I sat there minding my own business was when:
1. They tried to sell me something
2. Tried to force me to give them my number so I can join their church (I had firmly and politely informed her that I wasn't a christian)
3. Asked me for spare change
So, after taking one look at him, I decided he was a poor backpacker in need of spare change and wanted him to go away as fast as possible. The conversation was short and went like this:
"Hey. Um, can I - "
"No thanks!"
"...buy you a coffee...ok nevermind."
His walked away super quickly to his friend standing nearby who was bent over laughing so hard. I blushed and went back to tying my shoelaces, feeling like an absolute bitch.
Well that's me. The ugly duckling mentality is so firmly ingrained in me that I cannot, for one second, imagine that strange boys would ask me out (not as a joke.) Yea, the ugly duckling who goes around breaking boys hearts. Yyyyyea. Right.
The other time a strange guy talked to me on a street (he asked me for directions), he went all out on the creep factor and asked me...
What was my name? (I was startled and blurted out my real name. Doesn't matter, he misheard and said 'Symphony? That's a very nice name.' -_- Wtf he must thinking geez, these asian chicks with their ridiculous 'western' names.)
What I was doing that night? (Probably sleeping.)
Why so early? (I'm tired.)
Where do I live (*points in vague direction*)
Do I want to go to the party he's going to? (No. Thanks.)
...before I managed to get rid of him at a junction by firmly telling that his party was in THAT direction, pointing resolutely and mentally commanding him to cross the damned street. NOW. Or I'll punch you in the face/scream for help.
Thanksfully, he said 'it was a pleasure to meet you, Symphony' and merrily went his own way.
-_________-
So anyway, while I'm actually okay with speaking to strangers, I absolutely loathe it when someone strikes a conversation by surprise - I tend to blurt out the rudest, most bimbotic responses when I'm unprepared.
Anyway I'm going to sleep. WORK ALL DAY TOMORROW! My awesome boss let me off from today until Saturday.
So until Sunday, I'm going to work hardcore on my assignments and get that shit over and done with. Yeeaaaaaaaaa. I'm unstoppable!
Good night :D
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