"Stephanie, I have always said that you are a pretty girl, but.."
Your nose is too big...and it's crooked.
You're too skinny, like a scarecrow.
You have no boobs.
Your lips are too thin.
Your hair is a terrible mess.
You have big pores.
You're too tall for a girl.
Your teeth are not perfectly straight...and you had braces for 7 years!
You still get pimples sometimes although you're no longer a teen.
Your left ear is higher than your right.
Are you slightly cross-eyed?
Your wrists are impossibly tiny...I feel like I could snap them like twigs.
I know what thin privilege is, and I am honestly thankful that I am under- rather than overweight, because the flak people get for being fat way outweighs the snarks that skinny people receive.
My attitude towards negative comments towards my appearance is normally "I'm happy with myself, why should I let YOU make me feel bad?" But hearing relatives constantly talk about my flaws (in the 'YES you are pretty, BUT...' format) can take its toll.
I know no one is meant to be perfect, but do you begrudge me the hope that some day I will become perfect, at least in my own eyes? Yes, I am a bit of a narcissist and I know no one really cares about what I think and how I look, but I like looking at pretty people...and I just feel sad I can't count myself among them (the pretty people I enjoy looking at.)
Some days when I have nothing else to do, I like to just sit down in front of a mirror and observe my face in detail.
On good days (high self-esteem aka pretty days), I tell myself that petite lips are dainty and cute; my nose is strong and has 'personality'; I have big round eyes that defy the asian stereotype.
On bad days (low self-esteem aka ugly days), I wish for rhinoplasty and a tiny ski-slope nose, fuller lips, long eyelashes and a symmetrical face.
I guess ultimately it's not the way we look, but what and how we choose to see things.
Also, I admit to not striving hard enough to improve myself up to my own standards. That's why I salute those people who are go-getters, who exercise to reach their ideal weight, who work for the money to go for the double-lid surgery they've been wanting, who practise and perfect their make-up application to enhance their good features and hide perceived flaws.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not promoting dissatisfaction in oneself, but I do support in doing what makes you feel happier and more confident.
I do not understand those people who are against girls who opt to have cosmetic surgery or wear make-up every day.
If they look good doing so, they are 'cheaters.'
If they don't, they're 'such failures that even surgery and make-up can't cure their ugliness.'
:/
With these people as your critics, there really is no way to win...except to be born naturally pretty. (And even so, everyone's idea of beauty is different.)
If anything, THAT'S unfair. Why should someone who was born looking like a supermodel have more compliments and praise than a person who invests time and effort, and THEN succeeds at making him/herself look good?
You don't like imperfect people, and you don't like people who try their best to be as perfect as possible.
I have never been against make-up, surgery or so-called 'unnatural' ways of enhancing ones beauty. One reason I never wear make-up is because I think I actually look worse with it due to my lack of experience applying it.
Also, I'm afraid that one day when I actually succeed in applying make-up that makes me look better, people will still go: 'see that girl, she wear make-up also not pretty one.'
As unlikely as someone would be rude/brave enough to say that to my face, I'm still afraid of the possibility that I will never be good enough even if I try.
:/
I guess it all comes back to my fear of failure.
Anyway, this whiny, self-indulgent post has been long enough. Signing off now before I feel disgusted with myself.
Good night :P
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