As if.
I don't think my mom has ever had a break. My dad had cancer since I was 4 years old - I don't ever remember him being healthy and cancer-free. Can you imagine the stress that comes with having to deal with doctors visits, innumerable scans, witnessing your partner endure multiple rounds of body-wrecking chemo and radiation, and the pain of dealing with bad news every time the cancer came back?
Yes, my father beat cancer 3 fucking times - the cancer was going into remission when the competent trainees on duty at the hospital choked him to death with their pride and stubbornness.
So, my fantastic mom, who is one of the best persons I have ever known, had to watch her soulmate die, which I'd imagine is a pain far worse than people nowadays whining about their crush not even noticing them. Aww. Poor kids.
So when that 11-year-ordeal was over, and my mom was finally healing from the shock and pain, my father's brother got cancer. His family was poor and not well-educated about cancer. They turned to my mother for help and care. She helped them. He died.
Then my mother's older sister's husband got stomach cancer. I talked about this a while back. Of course, my mom helped them out greatly, because she already had the required knowledge at her disposal from experience. He died.
The doctor didn't sew him back correctly and let him die because he refused to acknowledge the problem. Pride kills, have I said that already?
THEN, my mother's oldest sister got cancer. My aunt is generally very positive about it though; my mom takes her to doctor's appointments and was there for her when they operated on her and removed the tumour.
Well, that's all fine and dandy so far.
Except, last night my mom messaged me and told me that that same cancer-stricken sister's husband had a heart attack and is in critical condition.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
I would look up and ask God what my family has done for him to constantly pick on us and never leave my mother alone, but that would be ridiculous. This is life, shit happens. There's no point pointing fingers or wailing about it; we can only toughen the shit up and face it.
But that doesn't make me any less upset at the injustice of it all.
Now that my uncle is in hospital, this can only lead to stress for my aunt, which can only hurt her recovery - did I mention her biopsy was POSITIVE? The cancer is still hanging around, refusing to leave. And if my aunt is sick, my mom can only suffer.
How many people does she have to go through sickness and stress with? As far as I know, she has spent her whole life helping others with their illness and watching them suffer - and for some, eventually watching them die.
How can anyone take this much pain?
I am bloody worried for her because she has hypertension and blowing up her blood pressure is shockingly dangerous. If she gets a stroke, I have no idea what I'll do.
When I see those people reposting chain letters on facebook who have no idea what cancer is like, I feel like letting them step into our shoes for a day, just to feel the dread and perpetual worry that comes with being the family of a cancer patient.
Do you know how it feels, being unable to fall asleep, because for a moment there, you imagined your father's breathing stopped? And then, his breathing DID stop and he bolted upright in bed at 2 in the morning, gagging and struggling to breathe, with your mom trying to calm him down and you, you just sitting still in shock and horror, because you know you can't do anything to help at all.
Reposting badly-written junk on facebook to spread awareness? I think we're pretty much aware of cancer. I'm glad you think that doing so somehow helps, but no, it really doesn't. I'm not sure if it's the pent-up rage or what, but you just seem like a pretentious asshole who pretends to have a sense of compassion to me.
Stop. Stopstopstop. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be angry.
My family is probably not the only one to witness multiple tragedies, but I still feel like Life has done us a great injustice, to strike us down so many times and expect us to get up unscarred and full of determination to continue living.
Well, I'm definitely emotionally scarred but well, fuck you. If my turn ever comes, I hope I will not let it get in the way of my determination to live my life as I imagined it.
You strike me once, I'll get up again. You strike me twice, I'll have skinned knees, but I'll get up again. You strike one thousand fucking times, and I'll be up again, waiting to punch the next challenge in the face.
If all this is happening to test our courage, strength and will to live, well I'm going to pass with flying colours. And perhaps the day will come where my family can finally live without pain and worry.
:)
Fight the good fight. If we can't deny cancer from our body, deny it's decaying presence in our souls. We can and WILL be strong in the face of adversity.
Be strong, mommy. <3
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