Another season has passed. Classes seem like they were a loooong time ago, when in reality it has only been slightly over a month since my second year ended.
Results came out and crushed my confidence again. It hurts to see the assignment that you've put so much time and dedication into to lose out to your classmates' who've done theirs in a half-arsed manner.
It's times like these where I question my standard of quality in the final product. I know it can only be harmful to directly compare your artwork to someone else's. Beauty is so subjective. Perhaps my assignment that I've spent 2 months on just didn't appeal to my teacher. So many times I have watched a classmate get an HD with a mere week's work (which doesn't even look good in my opinion) and it HURTS.
It hurts my self-esteem and my motivation to continue doing what I'm doing. I remember how disappointed I was when I got 1 HD and 3 Ds for the previous semester. Now I got all Ds - not a single HD. I was shocked and disappointed as I had been getting HDs for the previous milestones throughout this semester.
To average out to a D...my final assignments must have been pretty shitty in my teachers' eyes.
Fuck.
Sigh.
So, what am doing everyday now that there are no more classes or assignments?
I've been working. I get 75 bucks per hour doing a simple but exhausting job. I'm so bloody rich now and even if I buy two 24" LED screens when I come home, I'll still have plenty leftover.
Sadly, I'd rather have gotten 4 HDs than be a few thousand bucks richer. And I don't intend to spend the rest of my money as the apartment that my mom bought is going to be handed over to us next week, meaning that we have to pay up.
Money's gonna be slightly tighter as we repay the housing loan so I don't plan to splurge any more after I buy my screen.
I want to go home. My mood's been pretty low lately. I miss Sam, I miss my home, my bed, my dogs.
I've been playing lots of CS lately. I've finally made the decision to play in Steam at least half the time now, and begin detaching myself from Garena. I realize that I have not improved much in the years I've played there - firstly because I'm lagging, secondly because the players are just not very good.
If I keep playing with sub-par players, my skill is only ever going to remain average, no matter how much I play. So, here's to challenging myself by playing with more highly skilled players :3
These few days my average KDR in Garena is 2:1, and 1:1 in Steam.
I don't value KDR much, but I think it's a pretty good yardstick to measure the difference in the opponent's skills.
The good players in Garena can't hold a candle to the average player in Steam.
I hate playing without my friends. I don't like feeling alone, although it's only a game. Oh well, I'll make new friends. :) I'll learn the aussie CS slang and be a super complaint player and follow whatever they say to improve. I'll stop being embarrassed when I try and fail to do something new.
Somehow I don't feel as incensed when an Aussie player taunts me, compared to a Malaysian player. I think losing to a good player doesn't hurt as much as being insulted by an incompetent fool who got lucky :/
Anyway, I can't wait for Dota2. I can't wait to go home and download all the new games I've bought on Steam. I can't wait for Steam's xmas sales :D
I just want to home, get my laptop's innards cleaned out and rest my head and boy's shoulder.
I'm tired and I just don't know why.
Hello Summer.
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