Gurl gamerzz /eyeroll

For non-gamers/people too lazy to trawl through another long post, here's a summary of my whole blog post: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/563041

(p.s. Cooking Mama is one of my favourite casual games ever)

My body is aching. Normally people would say that after a particular vigorous bout of exercise, but mine is due to the opposite - a complete lack of exercise. I've had DotA marathons for the past two days (and nights) - I played almost 12 hours straight from 6pm to 6am yesterday, stopping only for a shower and a meal.

I didn't even realize it. Only during the last game I decided to check the time - and it was 5.40 am! At that point, I felt like throwing up and was woozy from sitting/staring at a screen for too long. The first thing that came into my mind was 'SHIT! Have I really been playing for 12 hours already?' and the second 'oh my god no I don't want to be one of those gamers who have a heart attack and die after 40 consecutive hours of gaming.'

I used to think that oh, they're just exceptionally fanatical/stupid gamers who value their progress in the game over their own well-being, and should not be used as examples to represent the gaming community as whole.

And then last night happened.

I honestly didn't realize that I had been playing for so long, because I had excellent company and enjoyed the game. -__- Oh well, anyway I had just beaten my previous gaming marathon record of 10 consecutive hours on CS 1.6 (no food breaks though). Not sure how I feel about that, but now I have a new record. /shrug

Anyway, it was interesting that I met 2 self-proclaimed girls on Garena last night. (I say that because they may actually be guys who pretend to be girls for special treatment or whatever.) And oh my gosh! I was so irritated by both of them!

Girl no.1: Omg I'm a gamer princess your world revolves around me you silly boiz

The first girl was babbling on in the channel to some curious guys who were asking if she was really a girl, and she replied with 'ya, sorry girls can play dota also now ok?' And I'm like BITCH PLEASE. I've been playing DotA since I was 15 (2006...omg it's been that long already), and I'm absolutely sure that other girls have been playing even before then.

-_- Anyway since it's not common to meet other girls on Garena who expose their identity, I tried to make friends with her when she asked whether anyone had a team of 5. I said yes, I do; does she want to have a 5v5 match? I also said that my teammates were currently having a meal break though, and if she can't wait then to please go ahead and play against other teams.

And she responded with a few silly and/or irrelevant questions like 'really ah? you got 5?' and 'you wanna fight me ah?' and 'how long ahhhh? Later you waste my time and let me to wait zzzz', and I'm like ok fuck you ah lian, go and play with other people la. (Ok, I didn't say that, I just said 'ok go ahead and play first lo :)')

OH GOD FORBID SOMEONE SHOULD ALLOW HER TO WAIT.

I already said that if she couldn't wait, then DON'T WAIT FOR US. Instead, she made such a big deal about letting her princessy ass wait for a game. (Also, she was the one asking if anyone had a team of 5 who would like to play against her team, so when I respond that yes I do, I MEAN yes I do. Still need to ask 'really ah?', 'wan fight me ah?' NO SHIT, THAT IS WHY I RESPONDED TO YOUR REQUEST. You trying to act cute is it? asdf@££*$$@$*%!(*)$)

In my mind, I was wondering whether I was ever such a snobbish diva when I first started playing DotA, expecting people to accommodate my wants and needs 24/7. Geez, ok. =___=

Girl no.2: omg im a girl and i beat you yay hooray for me my vagina triumphed over all your penises!

And THEN. The second girl was even more annoying. My friend made a joke before the game started, saying he 'wanted to rampage, haha'. A rampage is when you kill 5 heroes consecutively within a limited time frame, and besides early game, this almost always means a complete annihilation of the opposing team by a single player.

So ok, I thought it was clear to everyone that he was merely jesting and the game began without any issues. However, from middle game, it was clear that we were going to lose. (1 friend disconnected, another was playing a new hero he knew nothing about, and I was playing Techies, which essentially is a passive hero that normally doesn't participate in active combat.)

And that was alright, because you win some, you lose some, right? But NO, at the end of the game when the opposing team was about to seal their victory, one of the opposing players decided to talk shit and it went something like this:

"haha so noob say wan rampage is it? noob gg la"

And I replied jokingly, no we can't rampage because there's only 4 people. (The opponent had 1 leaver as well.)

And the player replied: "fukin noob we also 4 ppl la" and I was like yes, that's EXACTLY what I meant. -_-

So we had a little 'chat' going back and forth for a while until the player ran out of logical things to say, and this little gem came out:

"noobs i'm a girl you all lost to a girl haha so noob"

And my friends started laughing over Skype as I replied:

"Well, I'm a girl too. Fair? Are you that proud to be a girl? What do you want? Want us to give you a cookie is it? Here have a cookie for the amazing achievement of being a girl! *gives cookie*"

(Ok, it wasn't phrased as eloquently as that, but you get the gist of it.)

My friend and I started laughing at her (actually, just typing 'hahahaha' in public chat. Yea ok, lame right?) and she remained silent until the game ended shortly after.

I REALLY hate girl gamers like these. For one, saying 'haha you lost to a girl' is sexism towards your fellow girls. You are implying that girls are naturally not as good at games, and by using it to insult male gamers, you are effectively saying 'you play worse than a girl, you noob.'

*throws hands in the air in frustration*

Here's the basic protocol all female gamers SHOULD abide by:

1. Don't expect special privileges for simply having an extra X chromosome. People shouldn't be expected to accommodate your every whim just because UR A GURL, oohlala! 

2. Don't ask people to 'go easy on you because you are a girl.' It just devalues your own capabilities and those of your female peers. 

3. Don't EVER, EVER use the line 'haha you lost to a girl' as an insult. Because the only person you're insulting is YOURSELF (and other female gamers).

My friend has been guilty of throwing the 3rd line as an insult to an opponent before, but I forgave him because the opponent was totally goading him and trying to light a fire under his ass (and also because it seemed to work -o- sigh.)

Okay come on now, fellow girl gamers. We are just 'gamers', not 'GIRL gamers'. Whether you have a vagina or not does not dictate how you should be treated and how you are expected to perform in games.

Anyway, I'll conclude this post with an eloquently-put statement that sums up my feelings about GURL GAMERZZZZ:

Click on the picture to enlarge, or click [here] to go to the original tumblr post.

Nature vs Nurture

In the future, if I have a daughter, I will dress her in all colours of the rainbow instead of forcing her into pink frocks. If I have a son, he will not be stuck with red and blue as his primary colours. Of course, it may be hard to find pink outfits for little boys, so I'll put him through his pink phase when he's a toddler and can wear pink rompers.

I really don't know why so many girls love the colour pink. I mean, I like the colour myself (it's my favourite after shades of purple) but why do so many girls love pink, as opposed to red/blue/green/orange/black/etc?

Is it because we girls are brought up in a world where 'pink' symbolizes femininity? Is it because we were brought up in pink rooms and pink clothes and pink accessories? I don't really know, so I'm going to test it out with my children :D Of course, it may happen that my baby girl loves pink despite any attempt to bring her up without any conditioning. :/ 

How hard is it to de-condition after being brought up in an environment that insists that 'pink is for girls' and 'blue is for boys?'

But I think it will still be interesting to find out, and I'm sure it will irk some of my family members when I attempt to dress my little girl in tomboyish clothes. But I will be very fair! I will dress her in frocks and jumpsuits and jeans and let her choose what she likes.

When my mom came to Australia, she bought sticker books for my niece and nephew. A Harry Potter themed one for the boy, and a Disney Princess one for the girl. I asked her if my niece really liked pink princessy things, and my mom was like 'YESSS she loves princessy stuff!' I shrugged and said ok.

However, when I went to Penang this holiday with my cousins and aunts (an all-girl holiday except for my 10-year-old nephew), I discovered that my niece does NOT, in fact, love pink things! My cousin told me that she's always in pink because she looks adorable in pink dresses. When I asked my niece how she feels about them, she shrugged and frowned, clearly unhappy with the fact she was all dolled up and girly-fied.

Ya, I have big bony feet D:

Also, it's worth mentioning that at barely 5-years-old, she's already very self-conscious about her weight. I was told that she even goes on diets, because people constantly call her fat (including her parents, grandparents and brother).

ISN'T IT HORRIBLY DEPRESSING THAT A MERE CHILD CHOOSES TO PUT HERSELF ON A DIET?

It's insane!

Some of my family members say it's 'for her own good', citing the example of one of my cousins who was allowed to be fat during her childhood and remains, to this day, bigger than what is glamourized in TV and magazines. No one highlights the fact that people still find her very attractive and in my eyes, she is not FAT at all! Just that 'she's bigger than she would have been if she didn't eat so much as a child.' -__-

Of course, people cite health reasons and her future self-esteem as excuses to encourage fat-shaming a little girl. 'She'll thank us later' seems to be the underlying motto in these situations.

But COME ON LA. Do you know how bloody fat I was as a child? I had THREE fucking chins at one point of my life! I looked like the offspring of the Michelin man and the Fat Lady. And look at me now! I'M 'TOO' THIN for society!

Me at ages 3, 6, and current (I was the fattest around 4-5 years old but do not have any photos on hand):

3 years old with 不倒翁

6 years old with mom (my face is no longer U-shaped)

20 years old. Looks like I deflated over the years. (See, it's possible -_-)

I highly doubt that being fat as a child automatically means that you will be fat as an adult. My cousin that's constantly being brandished as an example was merely a coincidence (and I STILL don't think she's overweight at all - she's actually in the group picture above - you try and pick her out la. CANNOT RIGHT?). I mean, most toddlers are viewed as chubby, happy bundles of joy...how is it acceptable to allow a child to go on a diet because she is pressured by people around her to be 'healthy' and 'lose weight'?

She's FIVE, people. FIVE. Not even in kindergarten yet and she's already so embarrassed about her weight. So what if this makes her a thin and beautiful teenager? What if her self-esteem is irrevocably damaged by all the snarky comments from the people she loved and trusted as a wee child? I still think that what people FEEL is more important than what people LOOK like.

I mean I'm not saying people are wrong and ignorant for being self-conscious if they're overweight. I'm saying that a person should have the right (and a child an actual CHANCE) to choose HOW to feel about their selves, and not just measure their self-worth with society's almighty ruler of acceptable appearance.

Okay, I don't know why almost every time I blog, I end up ranting about something I just meant to mention briefly. -__- Sorry sorry, okay I will talk about other things in a separate post, ok?

Body-shaming is not okay

One thing I really, really cannot stand are people shaming other people for their appearance.

I just read an article on facebook, apparently written by a Malaysian who was seated next to a fat person on a flight. The author was repulsed at first sight, but grew to realize the fat woman was a beautiful lady because 'her personality was beautiful.'

Hopefully [this] links to the post on Facebook.

My first reaction was to roll my eyes. I don't know what it is with people who automatically feel disgusted by fat people and treat them worse than they would an average-sized person, just because they don't look the way you think they should. But anyway, I'm not here to complain about the author. But holy shit, the comments are filled with such contempt and self-righteousness that I feel like tearing my hair out!

***

"the fact that she is funny has nothing to do with the need to lose weight. fat people eat too much, consume too much of the earth's resources. I will love her, hug her and be friends with her. BUT she still need to lose weight."

What the fuck is wrong with you? Consuming too much of Earth's resources? Some of the biggest eaters I know are skinny guys; weight doesn't always directly relate to how much you eat. Anyway, how much more can fat people eat that they are dangerously depleting the earth's resources? /eyeroll

At best, it's a pitifully ignorant excuse to pick on fat people. And wow, you will love her and hug her and be friends with her? You must be such an forgiving and accepting person! Here, have 10 pats on the back for your awesomeness!

***

"I really hate it when people just get upsets when people is telling a them to lose weight, they are merely stating a fact. It's just like a person telling another person to stop smoking."

You know why people get upset when others tell those people to lose weight? Because you are a nosy prick who thinks you know what's best for someone, and feel that because 'your intentions were good' that it is okay to tell them someone that THEY need to change themselves BECAUSE YOU DON'T AGREE WITH HOW THEY LOOK, ALTHOUGH IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

The difference between smokers and fat people: smokers can harm people around them as well as themselves; fat people only harm themselves (if they are even unhealthy at all, which YOU DON'T KNOW).

(To be clear, I have nothing against considerate smokers; it's the inconsiderate ones I cannot stand. The ones who smoke in non-designated smoking areas, who throw cigarette butts everywhere and accidentally stub people with smoldering cigarette ends in clubs. If you have the right to smoke, then I have the right to breathe clean air too, and that is why considerate smokers smoke OUTDOORS or in designated smoking areas. But I digress.)

***

"What I believe is, there's no such thing as to "born fat and not able to lose weight". NO! The truth is as long as you are not dead and however low your metabolism might be, YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT.  

And I hate it when they just won't admit that they are simply eating too much and their lifestyles are way too sedentary.  

Yes, she has a good personality,I don't doubt that, but guess what? A good personality will not bring you good health."

Again, I hate it when people get presumptuous about MY health and pretend to care when IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. Every time someone says that I'm so skinny that I can't be healthy, I feel like punching them in the face. For the record, I am considered healthy and rarely ever fall sick. The only problem with me is my relatively high cholesterol, which ironically, is generally attributed to fat people. -__-

The point is, you simply cannot tell a person's state of health by their appearance alone, and to presume things about people is pure arrogance. To tell them that THEY should change because YOU don't THINK they're healthy? Well, if that doesn't stink of arrogance and lack of empathy, then you should probably take a moment to step back and think about it.

***

Anyway, I just got really irritated at these self-righteous people saying 'oh fat people are just making up excuses for their obesity'. Excuses? For what? Exactly what crime are they committing that they need to make up 'excuses' for themselves?

If they are indeed obese and unhealthy due to overeating and an unhealthy diet and lying to themselves about it, how does this affect you? If they AREN'T obese and unhealthy due to their own inability to maintain a healthy diet, again, WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH YOU? Are you so affected by their supposedly feigned ignorance/acceptance of their weight, that you would feel better if they were unhappy about it instead?

Why do people get so offended when people have different ideals about body weight and appearance? If a fat person is happy being fat, then good for the person! If I like being skinny, then let me BE skinny.

Interestingly enough, most people who condemn the obese for being unhealthy are the same people who tell me to eat more candy and fatty food so I can 'look better'. Hypocrites? Indeed. These 'concerned' people don't give two shits about your health. They just want you to look the way they think is most acceptable; if you don't, then they feel it's their sole responsibility to make sure you understand that your appearance is NOT acceptable.

Last week, I went for a full body massage with my mom. The masseuse kept harping on and on about how skinny I was, and how I should eat more while clucking her tongue like a concerned mother hen. Between these comments about my weight, she made sure to exclaim how much she wanted to be skinny like me and that my body was 'beautifully skinny.'

So what is it you want? Am I attractive or am I not? You like my skinniness but at the same time you want me to eat more to rectify my skinniness. Do you just want me to eat more and look more like you so you can feel better about yourself? The funniest part was that SHE WAS SKINNY TOO. Why she was feeling envious, I do not know.

Have we become so used to conforming to society's expectations that we HAVE to feel bad about perceived imperfections?

Well, if you want to be unhappy about your appearance, then by all means, go ahead. But DON'T try to bully others to buy into YOUR ideals about how we should look.

If not, you'll be as much of as an asshole as those people who made the above comments.

Promote acceptance; don't be an asshole.

Body-shaming is NOT okay.

Updates and hamsup uncles

Hello! I'm bored today and I've resolved not to take afternoon naps anymore because they lead to super late-night gaming (5am+) and then I'm even more fatigued the next day =__= So I will blog to stay awake instead. :D

I'm very proud to announce that I've cleaned out my wardrobe for the first time in my life! Now my closet doors can actually close (and lots of underprivileged kids will get some clothes too!)

Yea, all those are the clothes I'm giving away/throwing out. Damn a lot right? No wonder I have 5 singlets to a hangar. There's clothes from when I was like 5 years old in those piles too :/ Still in good condition! I expected moth holes and discolouration but only the white clothes really suffered through the years collecting dust in my closet.

Anyway, that's one thing off my checklist from the previous post which is as follows in case you don't remember (of course you don't remember >_> who are you, my stalker?

1. Clean my wardrobe, donate unwanted clothes to charity
DONE!

2. Clean downstairs shelves and re-home the poor books lying on my floor collecting dust
It's so hot every day I just can't be bothered to go downstairs and organize shelves (and marinate myself in dust)


3. Learn to speak like a gentle woman (I'm still loudspeaker-loud when I get excited, sigh)
I still screech when I get overexcited. My poor bf can attest to that, yesterday I all but screamed in his ear when he was going to die in Diablo cause he was standing in a pool of lava...he died anyway so my screaming was useless :(


4. Learn to drive
I was very excited to learn to drive with Megan but after I did some research I got so freaked out by all the bad reviews for pretty much every center nearby I was totally put off x__x Some people say certain instructors will constantly ffk, say car break down la, ask for more money la, delay your L license, refuse to give license until you bribe them etc etc. And the problem is you have no idea whether the instructor you get will be a nice and honest person or not!


Wtf is this man? I pay money then I should have a straightforward experience right? Give you money, you give me license gao dim! But unfortunately, that apparently does not happen around these parts. Sorry Megan! D:


5. Practice drawing
I got software from Helena and that's about it :/ I haven't even installed it yet but I will do so right after I finish this post!


So what have I been doing all this time?
Playing Diablo 3.

I hate to enforce the 'girls can't play games' stereotype so I've been trying my best to not do stupid things. Eh, when I played with my bf and his friends/brother I always end up soloing the bosses cause I'm a survivor ok! They all mati katak cause kena whack and I'm still running around beating the shit out of the boss! Wo hen qiang ni zhi dao ma?! But that's only in Hell difficulty...not doing so well in Inferno atm because I normally play with the bf only and neither of us can tank :(

***Diablo 3 jargon starts here***

Anyway, I need lots of gold now cause repair costs have increased so I've found this nifty little farming spot that earns me around 100k/30mins with 195% gold find. It's not the best, but it's what I can manage so far with my so-so equipment.

So basically you start your quest at Act 1, Chapter 2.1 - Find the hidden cellar.

For the first time you TP to the waypoint (the only one on the list) and head northwest and exit the gates. Keep going a short distance and 70% of the time, the Dank Cellar will spawn. In Dank Cellar there is a 100% chance that Sarkoth will spawn. Just nuke the shit out of him, collect money, TP home and leave (saves 5 seconds) and restart game at the same point. Now you will spawn at the checkpoint right at the gates so it's even nearer for you to go and check if Dank Cellar spawned in the map. Rinse and repeat for $$$!

Skills I use for farming this area:

Primary: Firebomb, Ghost Bomb rune for AoE attack

Secondary: Zombie Charger, Zombie Bears rune (I use elective mode to assign it to this slot)

1st Skill: Spirit Walk, Jaunt rune to extend walking time to 3 seconds

2nd Skill: Fetish Army, Fetish Ambush rune that has AoE damage when fetishes are summoned

3rd Skill: Soul Harvest, Siphon rune to suck intelligence and regain hp for emergencies (you will be very fragile once you replace all your items will gold find items)

4th Skill: Gargantuan, Restless Giant rune to send your pet into Berserk mode (the point is to dispatch the opponent as quickly as possible for efficiency.)

So basically, you Spirit Walk from the checkpoint to the Dank Cellar. If the Cellar is open:

1. Enter the Cellar

2. Summon Gargantuan

3. Approach Sarkoth and his minions

4. Soul Harvest while standing in the middle of them to +dmg

5. Fetish Army immediately after

6. Spam the shit out of your Zombie Charger Bears until you run out of mana

7. Continue hitting with your Firebomb until the whole pack is dead

8. ??? Profit! $$$

You should kill them in under 5 seconds if Sarkoth doesn't try to escape...if not you're doing something wrong :/

As you can see, the process is fairly quick, so speed is the key to earning more gold. Don't stop to open barrels, don't stop to kill zombies outside the cellar...just check if it's open and go straight in to kill Sarkoth. If the cellar doesn't spawn, TP back to base to leave game and try again.


Anyway, just to be clear, this farming method is far from the best and is only for people who don't have friends to form a party with and whose class/equipment is not good enough to solo farm in places with stronger bosses (and better loot). Sarkoth is fairly harmless, so don't worry about incurring repair costs.


So yes, have fun!

***Diablo 3 geekery ends here***

Overall, I'm having fun chilling out and enjoying my very laidback holiday ^__^


Megan told me that Etude House brought in some lovely matte nail polish so I went to check it out with the bf. He chose a pretty lavender for me and the salesgirls reaffirmed that it's the best colour among the matte range so I purchased it for only RM7! Hah, bf has good taste :p Normal price is RM10, but there was a 30% discount when I visited, so it's even more worth it!

Nice right! :D

Anyway, one thing I noticed about a group Malaysian men is that they are fucking hamsup and rude! Whenever I go to places like Lowyat confirm some guys will do something creepy. That day when I went to buy my pc, 1 guy totally pissed me off. I didn't see him but my bf who was standing behind me did. I was checking out stuff when this middle-eastern man walked up behind me and clucked his tongue, indicating his disapproval at my supposedly skimpy attire, but CONTINUED TO STAND THERE AND STARE AT MY ASS.

EH uncle, as I've said before, you either approve and ogle like the pervert you are, or disapprove and walk away. Don't act so self-righteous and pretend to disapprove of my dressing then proceed to absorb the full glory of my ass and legs ok? In any case, I was wearing a collared polo shirt and loose-fitting shorts that fully covered both ass cheeks; you call that indecent? Go and cover your eyes and tell your daughters to not be obscene like me lor.

I won't apologize for wearing shorts in this sweltering heat. You must be kidding me if you expect me to repent for my 'provocative' dressing. My mom's friends told me to 'wear longer pants, nowadays men like to rape young women like you'. Well, how about men start taking control and responsibility of their own sexual desires and refrain from raping people, instead of telling us that we should 'cover up' so we don't incite lust in men?

And don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting people to completely NOT look at women at all; I just hope that people can learn to be discreet if they feel like they HAVE to stare.

That day I was in Sunway Pyramid wearing a skirt, sitting down a bench, crossed-legged, my thighs fully covered by my laptop bag...and guess what? PEOPLE STILL TRIED TO PEEK AT MY PANTIES. For the record, NO my panties were not showing - I was a little freaked out, so I asked the bf to check for me. Nope, no crotch shots here.

Men with their spouses/girlfriends and even fathers with their daughters tilted their heads as they walked past, hoping to catch a glimpse of an elusive female crotch. TOTALLY NOT DISCREET AT ALL. I don't know whether to roll my eyes in irritation or pity them for being so desperate.

^The clothes I happen to be wearing today: The shirt I was wearing during the Lowyat incidents (only that was in pink), and the skirt during the Sunway incident. I think you can agree they aren't even remotely 'indecent' - please, I don't even have any boobage to show lol

And if you're thinking right now that it's my fault for 'wearing a skirt', then fuck you. YOU are part of the problem. You can buy in to the victim-blaming and slut-shaming culture, or embrace the fact that we have a right to wear decent clothes without being harassed or creeped upon.

Guys, start learning to respect women; take responsibility for your urge to ogle and do it discreetly so you don't make the hairs on the backs of our neck stand, or just avert your eyes. Girls, stop blaming yourselves and letting others blame you if you are sexually harassed - no one forces a rapist to rape, no one forces a murderer to commit murder. If that logic works, then I am completely justified if I decide to stab all these creeps in the eyes...because they annoy the shit out of me and thus PROVOKED me to do it. And then, people would say YES, they DESERVED to be blinded because they don't know how to stare discreetly. /eyeroll

BLAHHH. This was supposed to be a happy, up-beat post and now I'm all worked up about these people! Grrr!

And look! I found a picture that shows exactly what I'm talking about!

It came from this blog post, which said that when the uncle noticed the girl falling asleep and exposing some cleavage, he deliberately turned around to get a comfortable position and stared blatantly at her boobs for an extended period of time. WTF MAN! Yes, I love me some cleavage as well, but you DO NOT stare so openly for such a long time. It makes people uncomfortable and is just PLAIN RUDE and disrespectful.

This reminds me of the other incident at Lowyat where my bf and I were headed to the escalator going down. It was very crowded as usual. As we walked towards the escalator, a guy standing in front of a couple in front of me turned around and saw me. He suddenly stopped RIGHT before he got on the escalator, causing a bit of a human traffic jam and he pushed his way past the couple in front of me. I thought he saw a friend and was trying to get off at the last minute, but when the couple got on the escalator, HE GOT ON THE ESCALATOR AGAIN.

He was now standing directly in front of my bf, who was standing on my right. This was fishy in itself, and then I caught him turning around to peek at my legs. He repeated a few more times before we reached the end of the escalator, and then he let me and my bf walk past him. I had a hunch, and when I turned around, sure enough, HE WAS STARING AT MY ASS.

HE STOPPED TRAFFIC TO PUT HIMSELF IN A GOOD POSITION TO OGLE MY LEGS AND ASS.

What the fucking fuck. I don't know whether to strangle or salute this man. Perverts are normally opportunists who ogle when they can, but this person actually CREATED his own opportunity to carry out his creepy staring. 

And I know this doesn't happen only to me, a few of my friends have experienced the same thing. A friend told me that cars stopped and wound down their window just to holler at her on the street. She was wearing a skirt that reached to her KNEES. No cleavage on display, no huge amount of bare leg, and they STILL did it. Still want to blame the women? Perverts will be perverts and creeps will be creeps, no matter how you dress, walk or present yourself.

So yes, I hate that this only happens when I'm in Malaysia. In Melbourne, I've seen girls walk down in practically nothing but their bra and hot pants and you won't see people look longer than a brief glance, (though sometimes repeatedly, admittedly). I've never seen anyone so disrespectful as to stare so blatantly and occasionally yell out inappropriate things to women. Culture difference I guess? -___-?

Anyway I think I've ranted enough about hamsup men and their perverted activities. Here's a pic of me (I went to take a pic of my clothes today and thought I may as well camwhore more since I feel rather pretty today! Hahaha :D)

Anyway, I'm going to Singapore this Thursday night and will be visiting the Harry Potter exhibition! So excited, cause it was sold out in Sydney when I was there and now I have the opportunity to catch it again. :D Summore now it's only SGD21, whereas it was AUD33 in Sydney. IT WAS FATED I TELL YOU!

Furthermore, now my bf can come with me and my mom as well! Heh, I've decided to subscribe The Secret's method of positive thinking lately, since some of my favourite girly bloggers like Xiaxue, Cheesie and Qiuqiu swear by it and it can't do any harm :) So now any disappointments or pitfalls are considered as rest stops on the way to awesomeness!

Okay, I'm going to stop now cause I want to resume my download of Deus Ex: Human Revolution on Steam. I considered buying it the last time Steam had a sale and it was about $50 or something, but I didn't have the quota to buy it then (I was in Melbourne where internet quota is limited) so I decided to wait. Last week it went on sale for only $7.50!

*___*! It was meant to be!

Also, that reminds me about when I was sulking about my mom refusing to upgrade to Unifi because it was too expensive. (The cheapest package is a 5MB line that costs RM149/month.) Anyway, I decided to live with it and be thankful that I at least I have unlimited internet, and that when my mom starts streaming YouTube and making my line hang, it means it's time for me to take a rest from my marathon gaming sessions.

Then almost right after that, we discovered Maxis Home which was offering a 10MB package for only RM118/month! Special offer! So my mom immediately signed up and said 'see? Aren't you glad now that I refused to sign up for Unifi?' I stuck out my tongue at her but I was secretly thrilled to get a line with double the speed for less!

The guy who serviced us at the Maxis centre told us in a conspiratorial whisper that the fibre optic cable they're using is actually exactly the same as Unifi's! So the speed and stability should be exactly the same :)

Anyway, I ended up talking a lot again after promising to stop, so as an apology, I present to you pictures of my cute dogs (and me! :P)

First time trying photo editing software on my bf's new phone and liked the result :p 

Ok, time to farm some more gold. Bye!

Winter break!

So, it's been exactly 2 weeks since I touched down on Malaysian soil. Time flies...1/3 of my winter break is already gone :(

2 weeks and I haven't done anything productive...all I've been doing is play Diablo 3 and snuggle with le bf. My 2012 winter holiday resolutions:

1. Clean my wardrobe, donate unwanted clothes to charity

2. Clean downstairs shelves and re-home the poor books lying on my floor collecting dust

3. Learn to speak like a gentle woman (I'm still loudspeaker-loud when I get excited, sigh)

4. Learn to drive

5. Practice drawing

How many of those have I done?

NOOOOOONNNNNEEEEEEEEEEE.

T___T

This happens every single holiday, but somehow I still hope for things (me) to change and actually DO something useful during my sem breaks.

Bleargh.

Anyway, I celebrated my 21st birthday party on the 2nd of June. I had a really good time, though I started out the day with 0 celebratory mood at all. I'm still really nervous about entertaining large groups of people, and feel apprehensive whenever I go out to meet friends. Logically, I shouldn't feel like this, but I DO and I don't really know why!

When I was about 15 or so, I always felt like I was the shit and all my friends loved me; I felt that I was the life of the party and while that may not actually be true, the important thing was that I FELT that way and behaved with much more confidence than I do nowadays. :/

Anyway I'm really happy that loads of my friends actually showed up (no lie, I was terrified that only my relatives would turn up) and I managed to get round to chatting with most of them this time. I won't pretend I'm an awesome host, because honestly I was pretty shit during most occasions at my house, where I would hide in my room the whole time and come down only to wave people goodbye. One big problem I used to have was having too many different groups of friends and not being able to entertain them all sufficiently (also, I'm always afraid that they wouldn't gel together well.)

But I guess now that we're all older, people actually do get along alright, so I don't feel so bad if I leave them alone for a while, while I go greet incoming guests. >_<

One thing I DID manage to get done this holiday was to build my awesome PC!

YAAAY!

I feel like I'm one of the few gamers who games on a laptop. -__- Now, I love my MacBook Pro although it feel like it's an absolute waste of money for the performance I got. (RMIT paid for it, so I don't feel as bad, but perhaps I should've invested in a higher end machine that was less pretty.)

But anyway, it's true that for the same price, a laptop can never perform as well as a PC.

Here are the specs for those tech junkies...I don't understand half of it. I'm a consumer who only cares about the end product; my bf's bro set up the specs for me so I wouldn't have to bother with research, and I'm very grateful for that :)

Processor: Intel Core i7 3820 3.6GHz

Motherboard: Asus X79 P9X79 (I don't think I typed that quite right, but I hope tech people will understand...why can't they give nice names to their products instead of a seemingly random string of letters and numbers??)

RAM: Kingston 8GB DDR3

HDD: WD SATA III 1TB 7200rpm (wanted SSD, but the prices are still ridiculously high D:)

Cooler: Corsair Hydro Series H100 (woo, water-cooled!)

Casing: Corsair Carbide Series 500R

Power Supply: Corsair HX 750W

Graphic Card: Asus GTX 570 1280 MB DDR5

And all these cost RM 4950, fitting snugly within the 5k budget my mom gave me *___* (Please don't tell me if I've been ripped off, I'm so happy with my present right now so don't ruin it please)

I was ecstatic that my mom agreed to get me a gaming rig for my 21st birthday instead of a classic watch like my sister. Don't get me wrong, that watch is really pretty, but I don't wear watches at all...makes my wrist look even more like a stick. Although she said that a good watch is an investment that would last a lifetime and would eventually be an heirloom passed down to my children, she said it was better that I had something that made me happy. AND YES I AM SO SO HAPPY!

I originally budgeted 3-3.5k for a high performance PC, but my mom was an angel and said I could go all out and have a 5k budget, since it was a milestone birthday and all. Thanks mom! You're the best! :D

And you know what the best part was? I STILL got something that could last a lifetime and be passed down to my children: she bought me a white gold and diamond necklace. WHAAAAAAT? I get a PC AND a timeless gift as well?

On one hand, I'm standing here, cool and composed, wiping away a tear from my eye, being super grateful for having such a generous and loving mom. On the other, I'm dancing around celebrating and going NENENIBUBU at my sister who only got a watch for her 21st.

But that is very childish of me, so please pretend you didn't read the latter part.

Anyway now I can run Diablo 3 AND Borderlands with maximum specs SIMULTANEOUSLY with at least 60 fps. *wipes tears from eyes* After gaming with 10-30 fps on every game besides CS 1.6 and the original Dota, both of which are like 10 years old,  it was truly a touching moment to see my Fraps meter read 60 fps for new games for the first time ever. (Also, it doesn't overheat after 30 minutes of play.)

T___T

I swear, my life is so sweet right now that I promise to be more grateful all the time now.

I'm thankful for having such an awesome mom. I got enough angpao from my party to just cover the catering costs, so I offered it to my mom and she refused saying that it was my present for my 21st, so I should be the one spending it. T___T

I'm thankful for having a lovely bf who puts up with all my flaws and little insane moments and manages to be patient and caring through it all.

I'm grateful for having a sister who is generous enough to let me buy any e-reader I want and charge it to her account for my birthday T___T (I haven't bought it yet, cause I'm still waiting for Amazon to release the Kindle Fire 2, and they'd better release it internationally!)

I'm grateful for having friends who came for my party although some knew they would have no other friends here, some who came from very far, some who I haven't seen in a very long time, some who had other commitments but still took the time to see me anyway.

Viv, who came and didn't complain about me leaving her alone for extended periods of time among a bunch of strangers, and helped me cut my cake (very violently XD) and took the only pictures of my birthday.

Megan, who I haven't seen since primary, showed up with her bf Dinnish despite possibilities of awkwardness due to the time that's passed since we last met.

JK, who took me and the bf out for dinner because he couldn't make it to my party due to work.

My gaming family: Josh, Helena, Alex and Zerick for carpooling and coming together from places all around the world (joking, from Subang, Klang and Cheras) and getting hopelessly lost but didn't complain about it at all

My childhood yogi friends, who came all together despite having something to do earlier in the night. 3 of them had like, 9am flights the next morning and still came despite the fact that they hadn't packed their bags at all.

And all my other friends who showed up and hung out with me, even if it was only for a very short while.

I'm thankful for all my relatives showing up and mostly managing to refrain from commenting on my height and weight (this time, at least!)

So yes, I have a lot of things to be happy about right now, the latest of which is the fact that Megan has agreed to learn driving with me. WOOOOOOOOOOO I won't be alone, sitting awkwardly with eager 16- and 17-year olds now! XD

To show how thankful I am for having a wonderful and blessed life, I'm going to tick the stuff off my list up there, beginning with cleaning out my closet and donating my clothes to people who need it. :D I'm such a hoarder and I guess it's time I learn to let go.

Well, I will, if I don't get distracted by my beautiful new PC. I can actually play the CS:GO beta now, MONTHS after receiving my beta key! I'm loving the game and its community so far, people aren't assholes like in Garena and the casual mode is everything I didn't know I wanted in the game.

Casual mode means no friendly fire, no collision and full armor + ammo + defuse kits are pre-bought, so non-competitive people like me can just focus on the fun of running around and killing people on sight. Also, there are bots to fill the game up to 5v5 by default, and you can take over a bot after you die so you don't have to sit around waiting for the next round to start!

Of course there is competitive mode as well for those who prefer to play more seriously and strategize each round. But casual works perfectly for me and hopefully people who migrate over from 1.6 can learn to take the game less seriously and learn to just have fun :)

Anyhow, I've managed to start a post with no intention of writing about games and ended up writing about it anyway. So, I'm gonna stop now and give this lengthy post a worthy end with a picture of my dog.

Bye! XD

The Pill

Hello people :D Today I have decided to blog about something that may be of interest to women my age (and perhaps some men as well!) As the title says, I am going to talk about the Pill. It's something I've been wanting to talk about for a while now, but decided to wait a couple of months to allow any side effects (if any) to occur.


The Pill, also commonly known as the BCP (birth control pill) or contraceptive pill, has been something I've contemplated taking since I was about 16 or so. I've been researching it for a long time and I finally started taking it only 2 months ago. There was a reason I've tried to hold it off for so long (you will find out later.) Firstly, I will talk about my experiences before the Pill, followed by how the Pill works, and finally, how I feel after taking it.




Before the Pill 


Ever since I've started my period, it has been crazily irregular - sometimes it vanishes for months on end, which would something of a concern (pregnancy alarm!) if I wasn't a virgin, and sometimes it comes again just after 2 weeks. Sometimes it lasts 5 days, sometimes 9. It's a horrible inconvenience and a cause of extreme discomfort to me. If you weren't in an all-boys secondary school when you were younger, you would certainly have noticed occasions where a girl would appear sickly, weak and uncomfortable during certain times of the month; some are even so sick that they had to go home. Not all girls are like this, but some of us suffer from a serious form of menstrual sickness, called dysmenorrhea.


I was definitely one of them. Most periods were a time of horror for me. Nausea, extreme fatigue, weakness, dizziness and extreme pain came with almost every period, and I've collapsed a handful of times on the bathroom floor after a shower because I was too dizzy and weak to stand. It became even more of a problem when I started uni, where handing in work even an hour late would be heavily penalized - it was stated clearly that 'menstrual pains' were not in anyway admissible as a reason for delayed assignments.


The worst memory of my foundation year was of me hunched over the dining table at 5 in the morning, tears streaming down my face as I tried to slice panels out of the mounting board I needed to present my work with a mere 4.5 hours later. I had been crippled with pain and nausea the previous 2 days, rendering me unable to anything without compromising the quality of my work. (My teacher pressured us to redo entire assignments if our measurements were half a millimetre off, I'm serious.)


I couldn't move from my foetal position on my bed without feeling like throwing up. But deadlines called, and with no choice but to try and work or fail the assignment, I dragged myself out of bed and forced myself to do it. And the reason I was standing hunched over like that was not because that it was the most comfortable position to cut the board - I was literally cramped in that position, bent over 90 degrees at the waist. Attempting to stretch out and stand straight would send a wave of pain through my entire abdomen so intense that my vision would fade to white for a few seconds. So yes. It was a fucking horrible experience, coupled with the stress and fear of failing.


Physical pain and discomfort wasn't the only problem. I also had to deal with severe mood swings and emotional problems stemming from the hormonal changes during that period of time. Sometimes it was mild and manageable, but sometimes it was horrible to the point that I'd feel utterly depressed and was utterly convinced that everyone secretly hated and laughed at me. This problem reached the point where I could no longer tolerate it when this year, I had a panic attack (which I've blogged about earlier) and a minor emotional breakdown where I was convinced that everyone was my enemy and out to get me. (Yes, I was pretty much a raving lunatic at that point.) This manic episode culminated in a phone call back home where I broke up with my boyfriend because I was convinced that it was absolutely impossible to be together.


It was the most horrible and emotionally devastating thing I've been through, and right after that phone call, I realized that it wasn't me talking. My voice of reason was completely gone and I had no idea why I did what I did; I had no idea what my mind was doing to itself and why. That was the point where I decided that I had to take control of my body and not let it continue ruling my life and emotions.




The Negative Connotations and Myths of the Pill


- The 'Slut' Pill


I had hesitated to take the Pill before this for one reason - the negative implications and stigma of a young woman/teenage girl taking the Pill. I won't lie, I was terrified of what my mom would think if I'd brought it up before, and what people would think of me - a young, unmarried teenager, on the Pill. Although I'm not a very religious person, I realize that the Pill has a bad reputation among certain religious or conservative people as the 'slut pill'. (I have issues with the use of the word slut, but let's not talk about that in this post.)


Apparently, their reasoning was that if this pill, a pill that could cure basically every menstrual problem a woman can have, could also prevent pregnancy, then it would encourage sleeping around. /eyeroll


Although I am aware that these views are ultimately false and ignorant (talk about a slippery slope), I was afraid of what people would say and how they would treat me, especially since at least half my extended family are extremely conservative people.


Anyway, after that horrible incident, I was like fuck it. Whoever who wants to be judgemental can go ahead and do so; why should I let your false perception of me rule my life? They can mind their own damn business. My mom Skyped me every day for a few days after my panic attack and I eventually broached the topic with her. I was extremely surprised when she seemed to be all for it - I was so touched that she put my health and wellbeing above all her concerns with the Pill.


- 'The Pill Affects Your Fertility'


Like most uninformed parties, my mom was led to believe that the Pill messes up your fertility because it's supposed to stop women from getting pregnant right? I know at least 2 relatives of mine are on the Pill (a cousin and a cousin's wife) and my cousin's wife had problems getting pregnant after coming off the Pill. This led my mom to believe that taking the Pill will render you sterile in the long-term; if I take it, I won't be able to give her grandkids in the future!


Well, that notion is completely FALSE. Basing beliefs on anecdotal evidence is extremely unreasonable. Furthermore, my cousin's wife came off the Pill when she was in her mid-40s -___- It is a time where most women already have trouble falling pregnant or are completely infertile ANYWAY. It just seemed more convenient to blame the Pill, although scientific evidence and basic understanding of how it works would lead you to believe otherwise.




How the Pill Works


If you've ever passed PMR Biology, you'd have a basic understanding of how the period cycle works. Here's a quick run down to recap your secondary school education, anyway (I hope I'm accurate!)


- The lining of the uterus thickens in preparation for pregnancy
- An egg is released
- If it is fertilized, congratulations you are pregnant!
- If it isn't, the egg is expelled out the vagina along with the uterus lining and you have your period (that's where all the blood comes from)
- Uterine lining is repaired, back to step 1


So what the Pill does is basically feed you a steady dose of hormones that prevent the egg from being released, thus preventing pregnancy. What it ALSO does is prevent any side effects of periods by keeping the hormone levels in your body consistent throughout the cycle. 


Without hormonal fluctuation, that means:


- No more pre-menstrual cramps
- No more heavy bleeding
- No more mood swings due to hormone fluctuation


Other beneficial side effects:


- Better skin, no more period-related pimple breakouts
- Breast swelling/tenderness/growth
- Much lighter and completely predictable periods (if you choose to have them - more on that later)
- Reduced risk of endometrial and ovarian cancer yay! (More on this later too!)
- Cures endometriosis




How the Pill Affected Me


I waited to blog about this so I can experience the reported side effects myself. And experience them I did!

After finishing my first packet

Firstly, 0 pre-period cramps. I stopped having severe mood swings and haven't experienced a bout of temporary depression since. My skin has improved mildly (I don't suffer breakouts often anyway) and my periods now last a grand total of 2.5 days. They came at the exact same time for the 2 months that I've taken them; since the pills I'm taking go in 4-week cycles, it comes on the 4th Tuesday after I've started each pack (on a Friday). Which is incidentally my only week day off from uni, so I can experience any discomfort (barely any) in the comfort of my own home. ^__^


I have not experienced any breast tenderness or swelling, but they definitely have grown a little. I have no complaints about THIS particular side effect whatsoever XD


However, please note that however much The Pill sounds like a miracle cure to all our menstrual woes, there are potentially harmful side effects that must be considered.


Firstly, there is an increased risk of blood clots and a purported increase in risk for breast cancer. However, the increase in chances of acquiring any of these 2 medical conditions is extremely low, so as long as you go through your family medical history with your doctor and he/she says it is safe to take the Pill, have no qualms about taking it.




John Rock's Error


After hearing that I've been prescribed Monofeme by the doctor, my sister reacted almost gleefully to the news and promptly asked me read an article from a book she had. It's called John Rock's Error - I've found this online copy if you're interested. For instance, did you know that John Rock, one of the scientists who created what has become the modern Pill today, was an ardent Catholic?

Also, did you know that a typical woman's cycle is NOT naturally 28 days/1 month long? A lot of things that I was led to believe about my body today is simply not true. Basically, the article discusses what went wrong with the Pill's 'branding' and how it could have been so much more if not for the way it was portrayed by the church.


Also, I mentioned earlier that the Pill greatly reduces the risk of endometrial and ovarian cancers. Why is that so? Firstly, we must understand what cancer is and how it happens. Cancer is basically a bunch of your own cells gone rogue - or mutated, you could say. Every time a cell divides and reproduces, there is a small chance of error that leads to uncontrollable growth, and that eventually becomes a cluster of uncontrollable cells or a tumour, which is known as cancer.


So how does the Pill factor into this? By stopping ovulation. Every time a woman ovulates, the egg literally punctures through the wall of the ovaries to be released, and thus stimulates cell reproduction to repair the breach. Same goes with the uterine lining; without ovulating, the uterine lining does not thicken, and thus unnecessary cell reproduction is avoided. When cell division and reproduction is reduced, the chance of it going awry is also greatly reduced, thus reducing the risk of these two cancers.


I found it very enlightening the first time I read it. After all, how many times have we heard of reduced or increased risk of cancer with a certain kind of medication? Now I finally know why and how it happens.


Anyway, the article ends sadly, with John Rock losing his spiritual faith.


A quote from the article really resounded with my beliefs:


It was the fault of the haphazard nature of science, which all too often produces progress in advance of understanding.


People are naturally suspicious of what they do not understand. A lot of misled beliefs about things nowadays could be easily averted had we fully understood how they work.




How I Feel Now


I'm really happy with my decision. I went to the clinic with my mom and ran through our family's medical history together. At first she was very suspicious about the clinic, but she was fine after I explained why I chose to go there. The nurse commented that it's almost unheard of for a teenager to come to the clinic with a parent. :/ Well, my mom's cool like that!


I chose to go to the Planned Parenthood clinic because:


1. Fees are greatly subsidied by the government ($10 for consultations for a whole year, no matter how many times you visit)
2. Appointments are not required
3. The doctors would be more experienced and capable of handling teenagers with questions about contraception


...and I didn't know this when I visited, but...


4. Contraception is also heavily subsidized


1 month worth of Monofeme only set me back $3.50.
A measly $3.50 a month could have saved me YEARS of suffering and misery. Pfft. I'd beat myself up mentally for not starting it earlier, but what's the point? I'm much better now. I imagined it costing MUCH more though :/


Also, I'm turning 21 in 2 weeks and will officially be an adult soon. So what I consider the secondary - and by others the primary - use would come in handy now. *wink*


At the start of the appointment, the doctor asked me if I wanted my mother to leave the room while we had our consultation. I said that I had nothing to hide. Then she asked me how long I'd been sexually active, and if there was any possibility I was pregnant. I said both were non-applicable to me, and Mom was like OH NO, she has to turn 21 first!


So yes, there has never been a greater time to start on the Pill, though I fervently wished I had started it years ago.


And finally, to address the 'slut pill' issue: If wanting to have sex with my steady bf that I love makes me a slut, go ahead and call me a slut ;) I feel great about it and I don't believe in shaming either men or women who enjoy carnal pleasure, as long as they are mature and responsible about it.


So, in the end I have decided that people's archaic beliefs will never take precedence over my physical and emotional well being ever again.


And I feel so much better now.

Edit: I mentioned earlier about being able to choose whether you want to have your period or not, and I realized that I forgot to talk about it -_- So much for 'more on this later'.


Anyway it's simple. Above is a picture of Monofeme, a monophasic version of the Pill. This means that each white pill carries the an equal dose of hormones that suppress ovulation, while the red ones are merely sugar pills. (Triphasic versions of the pill have varying dosages of hormones in each pill, to more closely mimic the 'natural' cycle.)


When you start on the red pills (to be taken at the end of the packet) you are only taking in sugar, so without the dose of hormones, you body is tricked into thinking it has already ovulated, and you have your period. The period will be much lighter than normal because it hasn't built up much extra uterine tissue because your body wasn't preparing for ovulation.


It is completely safe to skip the red pills entirely and start on a new packet of white pills immediately. The only downside to this is that breakthrough bleeding, or 'spotting', can occur. Which means that you may experience a tiny bit of bleeding due to build up. It's recommended to have a period at least every 3 months to prevent this from occurring. I don't like the idea of unexpected stains, so I take the red pills every cycle.


If you read the article on John Rock's Error, you will discover that there are red pills only because men thought that women would feel more comfortable having a period every month like 'normal'. Which isn't exactly normal. (But I feel more comfortable with it anyway.) Just read the article if you're curious, cause I'm too lazy to elaborate at 6.30 am :p Kthxbye.